By Michelle Perez
Let’s skip the pretense. Ubi-Soft didn’t get where it is today by making a French spin on an existing American or Japanese trend. Where someone created something before, they’d make a product that would exceed or master the form they worked within. The FPS? Oh, sure Quake and the like are fast, but can they do realism? Hell no. Chew on the original Rainbow Six . You, get this , had to actually plan your attack, execute successful completion of the attack, and use the best people at hand in the event any of them were killed during a mission! That’s crazy! Tactical in today’s terms is kinda stupid shorthand for “hide around a corner and improvise like usual”! Did you like Super Mario 64 or Crash Bandicoot ? TOO BAD, WE’RE GONNA JAM RAYMAN 2 DOWN YOUR THROAT AND YOU’RE GONNA LOVE IT MORE. WELL, FOR A LITTLE WHILE ANYWAY. RAYMAN IS NEVER GONNA BE A HOUSEHOLD NAME, SORRY .
They are really amazing, though. The Xbox-1/PS2 era Prince of Persia titles really let them hold their own and do something with broad appeal (fantasy adventure) and won over critics with the play mechanic of being able to manipulate time. More recently, they’ve got this big purebred stallion that is the Assassin’s Creed series.
A synopsis for the series is as follows: you wake as this boring guy, experience the past, right? Right. You find out after traveling in time through your brain or DNA or something, that human history is a series of clandestine wars between the Assassins and The Templars, and that it continues to the present day. While the initial protagonist of the first “Altair” is cool enough, the protagonist of Assassin’s Creed 2 is the draw. Ezio Auditore da Firenze is his name. A sex crazed meditation on Batman with no restraint in regards to murdering folks, he is an intellectual of surprising tolerance, and little patience with tyrannical figures.
They’re making a return to the non-tactical Rainbow Six series with a really tasteless game called Rainbow Six: Patriots . Basically, the Rainbow team are hunting a bunch of inexplicably well-armed and bulletproof-vest-clad men with a clearly stated anger against upper class American citizens who start committing acts of terrorism in New York against its populace because they think, “Hey, if we kill a few rich people among others, well , everybody’s happy? I guess?” That’s the plot. They sat down and thought that was a good idea. It boils down to hoo-rah military types fighting for the 1%. Given that the Tom Clancy branding usually means you’re gonna have a Russian or Asian antagonist, it was certainly a bold decision. If Modern Warfare 2 had you killing evil Americans, they thought a truly revolutionary idea would be to build straw man American terrorists out of the Occupy movement and the 99%.
That we may shoot our fears of treating the non-affluent like human beings.
Oh man, but then there’s the pitch *ahem* “VISION” video:
Look, I’m all for murdering rich people by way of bombs strapped to their chests, but there’s a fine line you’ve gotta draw between drawing a parallel to real world events and just polarizing them until it’s some sort of weird exploitation take on whatever your subject matter is.
Now, Deus Ex:HR , while not perfect, was at least able to have its own clearly defined world that had problems that seem to echo whatever problems we may have here in the real world. That’ll resonate with you, you’ll drink your coffee and say, “Man, that was intelligent. For a video game, I guess. Where’s the goddamn bread?”
This is basically “Occupy Wall Street With Bombs.” At no point is this anything but a reactionary grab. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not necessarily against the idea of taking violent action against fascist police states or tyrannical entities, but one trailer details a group of these guys THROWING AN OLD BANKER WITH A BOMB STRAPPED TO HIS CHEST INTO TRAFFIC.
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In the comments section, user MobsterMayhem states: “ I like this game because they story is actually realistic and current .” It was upvoted 24 times and downvoted once as of this writing. I agree with you to an extent, MobsterMayhem! The story is realistic insofar as real guns are used to shoot people, and yes it is a time of great political upheaval within the United States. That’s where the similarities end, MobsterMayhem. A multi-national elite-killing squad kneecapping police on a bridge, while cool, is far removed from the reality of the situation. People are peacefully protesting (and having a difficult time reconciling staying peaceful) and getting sprayed in the face with mace by Bad Men With Small Penises and Stupid Mustaches, or being beaten with batons by aforementioned Bad Men With Small Penises and Stupid Mustaches. Police Commissioners Laugh At The Brutality. While provocative storytelling can really hit a raw nerve in a time when tensions are high, you gotta remember works like this aren’t The Moon Is Down . They’re more like a Cinemax movie you catch at 3 A.M. before you roll your eyes and give softcore porn a go. This is like a grim combination of the two that is so cynical and repugnant in principle it makes 24 look even-handed and clinical.
I’ll give Ubi-Soft the benefit of the doubt here and say they may be doing this to even things out considering the left-leaning/possibly anarchist politics of the Assassin’s Creed series. Unless explicitly stated otherwise, you are pretty much killing evil, bigoted privileged men and fighting against institutions like the Borgia-run Papacy as well as Crusaders. You do this alongside a refreshingly diverse cast of cohorts with differing racial heritage, gender, and political views. At some point you gotta throw assholes a bone, because they buy video games, too.
Here’s how you make amends, Ubi-Soft: You gotta take this direction and run with it until people start questioning your sanity. We need a Rainbow Six where time travel is involved, and the U.N. has to send Team Rainbow to stop a horrible insurgency in the South. There’s this deadly Slave named Nat Turner, and if you can’t bring him to justice we just might not be living in the same America tomorrow . In the future. Call it Rainbow Six: Nat Turner Revoltin’ . It’s what people in the book industry call an allegory , UbiSoft. You gotta get with the times.
Even better, you preface this Anti-Occupy game with an Anti-Tea Party game. Actually, of the two I’d prefer a Tea Party version in that the Tea Party people at least have the good sense to come to a political rally armed. Imagine it: hundreds of old men and women in jorts running at you and you start peeling their caps as the flag waves and you’re beaten over the head with a sign that says “SHARIA” in bloody letters. Just lawn chairs, blood and croc shoes everywhere. Glenn Beck starts crying and a Blackhawk helicopter crashes/explodes. Rainbow Six: Connecticut.
Or check this out, Ubi-Soft: Replace all the people in suits with arab and black muslims, and have the first trailer begin with this really quiet opening song. Something where you can hear steel guitar. Just the worst country song you can think of, yeah. Anyway, the camera zooms in on all these black guys and arab guys leaving the Mosque That Was Gonna Be Built Next To Ground Zero. They look around suspiciously, don their requisite red full face balaclavas and sunglasses and their eyes dot around like it’s Looney Tunes . They sneak over to Ground Zero ala Belushi in Animal House, and blow up Ground Zero. Play that during the Super Bowl. Call it Rainbow Six: Zero Zero: Where’s That Ground? Gotta Find That Ground . It’ll go over wonderfully.
Matt Perez lives and works in Oregon.
